


To Know Thyself

by fictionalcandie



Series: Idol University [2]
Category: American Idol RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Break Up, Closeted Character, Companion Piece, Denial, Epiphanies, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-15
Updated: 2010-11-15
Packaged: 2018-01-09 13:16:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1146437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fictionalcandie/pseuds/fictionalcandie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam’s spring break is a lot more of an educational experience than most of his classes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Know Thyself

**Author's Note:**

> This is set between [Part Two](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1146343/chapters/2321621) and [Part Three](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1146343/chapters/2321629) of _Easy is Not You and Me._

Adam heard the voice first. It wasn't instantaneous recognition, he wasn't that fond of the guy, but then he was close enough to hear words, and _then_ he recognized Kris's boyfriend.

"— maintain that spring break must involve ill-advised public nudity or semi-nudity at least once a day, preferably in groups, or it isn't being done properly," the tiny man was saying.

"Shirtless, here," said another familiar voice, though Adam couldn't place it properly.

"I know, baby," Kris's boyfriend replied, somehow conveying pride and condescension at the same time.

Adam rounded the corner of the building, turning his head to look for Kris's boyfriend and the other speaker, as Kris's boyfriend said, "And you're doing it very well, too, but the other thing spring break requires for legitimacy is sex. Or kissing. And we _are_ in public, so—"

"Kris isn't here," the second man said, and Adam could see them now, he recognized the man with Kris's boyfriend as Kris's friend Andy or something, and yeah, Kris's friend was shirtless, and Kris's boyfriend—

"So. Kissing?" he asked, tilting his head at Kris's friend, hopefulness written all over his delicate little face.

Kris's friend laughed. "Come here," he said, affectionately, and then Kris's horrible friend tugged Kris's boyfriend over into his lap and pressed their mouths together.

Adam could hear Kris's boyfriend giggling as he pressed a hand to the back of Andy's neck, pulling him closer, and, okay, Adam totally wanted to break Brad's fucking pretty face, immediately, right there, in public and everything.

He turned around and stalked away instead.

—

Adam didn't realize that his hands were shaking with rage until he got back to the dorm, sinking down onto the bed Kris hadn't bothered to make before he left for Arkansas, smelling Kris all around him, and he looked down at his hands.

Then he was trembling and just so fucking pissed that he couldn't even see.

—

Before Adam even said hello, Alisan started staring at him like she wasn't sure she hadn't somehow stumbled into a conversation with a stranger. Adam didn't even care. Between the brilliant, burning fury in his chest and the way he kept having to try _so_ fucking hard not to _think_ (being angry was okay, angry was justified, but there were reasons behind the anger that Adam wasn't touching, wasn't even going to acknowledge to himself, because when he started dating Alisan he put all of that in a mental box which went in a mental drawer in a mental safe in the back of a mental closet — hah, irony — at the back of his fucking mind and he was _not_ taking it out and going back to that overweight, redheaded misfit of a kid who— WHOA, not the point, not even close, _stop thinking_ ), he just didn't even have the energy to worry about the fact that his girlfriend was looking at him like she'd never seen him before.

Alisan made it all the way through dinner with Adam — who was, he _knew_ being monosyllabic and tense and completely unlike his usual self, it was true — before she gave up acting like everything was normal.

"Okay, I wasn't going to ask, because the pushy, nosy girlfriend thing doesn't go with my complexion at all, but this is ridiculous," she said, and paused to take a vicious bite of her dessert. "Spill. What's _up_ with you tonight?"

Adam clasped his hands together more tightly. He wasn't even interested in stealing any of her brownie a la mode.

"I'm angry," he replied. "That's all."

"Angry," Alisan repeated. She didn't sound skeptical, exactly, probably because Adam was most likely being way, way more obvious about his rage than he meant to be, but she did seem a little... dubious.

"Yes, angry. Actually, _furious_ ," he corrected, his voice way too calm — but it was either that or too loud and too hostile, and Adam was _not_ about to start screaming at his tiny little girl of a... girlfriend. Especially not over something with which she had nothing to do. He was not that kind of guy and he was never going to start _being_ that kind of guy.

"Uh huh." Alisan pursed her lips before asking, "Why?"

"Kris—" Adam started to say, then had to stop because his voice suddenly wouldn't work. He shook his head wordlessly, frustrated and even more pissed off.

Alisan's lips parted a fraction, her expression rapidly shifting into incredulous. "... your roommate, Kris, your new BFF, Kris, _that_ Kris?"

Adam nodded.

"Jesus," she swore softly. "What the fuck did he _do_?"

Confused, Adam shook his head. "I... what?" he managed to get out.

"To make you this mad," said Alisan. "Must have been epic, the way you dote on him normally. I mean, I sort of thought he could probably trash your entire makeup collection _and_ destroy half your shoes and you still wouldn't get really—"

"I'm not mad at Kris," Adam snapped. He reached up and pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. "It's... it's Kris's boyfriend."

"Oh," Alisan said, and then nothing.

Into the silence, Adam spat, "Fucker's _cheating_ on him. With Kris's goddamn _friend_."

Alisan stared at him some more. "Okay, um, _venom_."

"I saw them today. Together. And they were _talking_ about Kris, and they still— I can't—" Adam broke off, shook his head jerkily again. "I am so, so _pissed_ right now."

"I can see that," muttered Alisan.

"I mean," Adam went on, gesticulating wildly, "I want to go beat the _shit_ out of Brad, which isn't me, I'm not violent, and he's _tiny_ and that's not me either, but, God, I want to fucking kick his _ass_. How can he do something like this to Kris? _Kris_! Who is amazingly hot and also, just, the most precious, adorable person on the _planet_ and he's all cute and kind and awesome and—"

Setting down her spoon, Alisan cleared her throat. "Adam—"

Adam was on a roll, though, barely noticed she'd said anything, and kept talking. "— I don't even see how that idiotic asshole could even _think_ of cheating, since he has Kris, because come the fuck _on_ , Kris is _perfect_ , anybody who'd hurt him needs to be—"

" _Adam_ ," Alisan called, raising her voice.

She was glaring at him.

Adam snapped his mouth closed. "I— Sorry."

"Adam," she said again, more quietly, but just as firmly. "We're breaking up. Right now."

Adam blinked. Then he blinked again, because, no, that still didn't make sense. "Because I'm mad someone's cheating on Kris? That's—"

Alisan cut him off. "What, is your brain actually _broken_? No, we're breaking up because you're ass over ankles in love with Kris."

Adam sat and stared at his girlfriend, disbelieving, because she was wrong, she was absolutely totally wrong, there was no way, no way at all—

— Kris would be laughing his ass off right now, his mouth smiling wide and his face all scrunched up and his eyes gleaming _now no-one’s on your side_ ; his cheeks would probably be pink and soft and just a little stubbly because it was a Tuesday and Kris wouldn't have shaved; Kris, who was probably in his mama's kitchen right that moment eating pie and wearing plaid, definitely plaid, the pink and teal one because it was his favorite; tiny caring wonderful funny adorable beautiful perfect fucking _Kris_ , who Adam missed like his absence was an actual physical hole in Adam's heart —

It was like the world around Adam paused for an instant, then speed back up too fast, and he was left blinking and dumbstruck, out of breath like he'd been running, his chest tight and hot and his heart racing, and Alisan was sitting there just watching him.

"Yeah," she sighed, "that's what I thought."

"Fuck me," Adam gasped, when he remembered how to make sound come out of his mouth.

Alisan snorted. "Yeah, right. Not any more, Lambert."

**Author's Note:**

> This work can also be read [here on LJ](http://gailsauce.livejournal.com/75228.html) or [here on DW](http://gailsauce.dreamwidth.org/74638.html?style=site).


End file.
